5-10-96 The Day the World Changed

Justin,

How can it be that you are ten year's old?
Wasn't it only yesterday that I held you for the first time?

Didn't you only begin walking a little while ago?
Could it be that you began growing up when I was blinking?

If the truth were told (and yes, truth is the only way), I would
have to say that life distracted me far too much in these past
ten years.

Now, when your shoe size is almost the same as your age
and your brown eyes have seen so much pain and suffering,
I am reminded, once again, of the brevity of life on this earth
and my resolve to never let such moments slip by unnoticed.

Somehow, I've lost touch with the little things that mean so much;
Your grumpiness in the morning when you've selpt so soundly;
The sweetness of your nature, so young and unspoiled;
Your heart so full of compassion for those around you.

These are the elements that make up life.
And somehow, because of pressures at home and at work,
they taken a silent seat in the background.

Still, I resolve to be more vigilant in my observation and awareness.
I want to mark these moments that, all too often, are already in the past
when they gain my attention.

Your life is a celebration of what love is.
I've always known it.

Though you may not understand the sentiment from which I write,
you do understand the steadfast love in my heart,
and maybe, the pride in my eye when I watch you play third-base
or become absorbed in a video game.

There are no words to adequately convey the depth of my love
for you. The same love that envelopes your brothers and sister
bubble up each minute that I breathe.

Happy Birthday my young son.
Your are my heart's next beat;
And closer than my jugular vein.


Dad@G3

Everyday Gratitude & the Big, Bad...Good!

What is everyday gratitude?
It's the result of the anticipation that revolves around the knowing.
Huh?

Yeah, I know. That's a lot to get your mind around.
Here's a better way to think about it.

I have a knowing. That knowing is surrounded by the anticipation of Good.
Notice the upper case G? I'm not talking lower case good.

I'm talking Big, Bad..Good. ;-) The kind of Good that has BARRY (or you could insert your name) written all over it.

The kind of Good that is unavoidable.

That's what I expect each day.
And each day, that Big, Bad..Good finds me.

I love the cycle. I look for the Good.
The Good finds me. I express graitude for the Good.
I feel great and look for more Good...

For instance, this morning I woke up. I said silently to my Self, "Look for the Good." I found it in a pot of coffee that was simply exquisite. I found it in the face of my son Justin when he opened his eyes after my kiss on his cheek. I found it in the rays of sunshine that have been hiding as of late. I found it in a rainbow when I walked outside at lunch time. I found it in the ability to write this today.

Look for the Good.
Anticipate the Good.
Love the Good.

The Big, Bad..Good.

Peace,
Barry @ G3

Today I am Grateful...

For the sun that finally shone through the ominous rain clouds here on the Central Coast of California.

For the love of my son.

For the flowers outside my kitchen.

For my parents, whose love is unlimited.

For those who have influenced my life and never knew it.

For those who will buy and read my new book that isn't written yet.

For the path I walk each day.

For CSE and it's Oasis of Peace.

For life and love.

For two new lives; Taylor Grace and Raphael Joseph - May you each know only love and goodness.

Peace.

Barry@G3

Gratitude at Work

Gratitude at Work

Are you grateful for your job? For your Boss?
Even if you’d rather run him over in the parking lot?

No one has a boss like that, right?

I’ve been lucky.  Most of my bosses in my regular jobs have been pretty easy to get a long with. (Dangling preposition…darn.)

At the moment I’m serving as a consultant for a long-term assignment.
My boss is a gentle fellow.  He looks like he could snap your neck in a second if he wanted to.  An ex-Marine, he probably could.

This job didn’t start out so well. It was a situation where the “company needs to know certain details about your life.”  In my opinion, the information they were seeking was out of line.

It had nothing to do with my ability to do the job at hand.
My start date was deferred a week while they made up their mind as to my personal integrity…something no one has ever had reason to question.

I’m on the job.  No hard feelings.
I’m grateful for the opportunity to serve in the capacity I am.

Look for reasons to be grateful.
You’ll find them everywhere.

A funny thing happens when you do this.
You find so much good, that you forget about all the...less than good.

Peace.

Barry@G3

Christmas Eve Gratitude

December 24, 2005

This week, amidst the hustle and bustle of shopping, planning for Santa's visit, and visitation with co-parents, I was struck by just how much a part of my life Justin makes up.

I'm the custodial parent for Justin, age 9. He is the absolute reason why I get up every morning. If he weren't in my life, I'd have to look long and hard for another reason to put two feet on the floor every morning.

When I took him to his Mom's house on Wednesday for a week's stay, I immediately felt the void that only he can fill.

My other children have grown up and away; they have their own lives and are activley leading them. Justin is the one left behind, and as such, has become to focus of my life.

Each, in turn, has occupied the same position in my life: Sometimes simultaneously. Having been the non-custodial parent to my daughter Bethany and son Benjamin, I understand this chronic void all too well. I feel that void continually even now.

This is the end of a year filled with many personal and professional changes. It's been difficult for Justin to adjust to a new living arrangement, a new school, and living further away from his mother.

Others may see him as a 9 year old who needs to step-up to the situation, and at times, I guess that is true.

But he is, and forever will remain, my little boy. He's a little boy who needs reassurance, encouragement, and love.

I clearly don't deserve the continual blessing that he is in my life. But I am grateful for his daily presence, his efforts to step-up, and the emotional tenderness he tries so hard to conceal.

I love you, Justin.

May I be the father that you deserve at all times.

Love always,

Dad @ G3

Gratitude & Thanksgiving

Happy Thanskgiving to those of you celebrating this official holiday. I hope your celebration was memorable.

Mine was memorable for a couple of reasons. My 19 year-old step son, Jeremy was able to trek down from campus at San Francisco State University to the beach accompanied by his girlfriend, Perrine. We enjoyed a wonderful dinner and some down time in the hot tub.

Justin also enjoyed seeing his brother and engaged him in several wrestling and light-sabre matches. I'm not sure who won these but I did hear yelps of momentary pain from either side.

The other memorable aspect of Thanksgiving 2005 was having one member of my family treat me in a less-than-affectionate fashion. For whatever reason, this person made it apparent that I reminded this person of something akin to a root canal without anesthesia.

I don't honestly know why this occured.

It was frustrating, annoying, and liberating.

I say liberating because it forced me to make a decision as to how I would respond. I'll admit to giving it back a few times when asking why the attitude was so pervasive.

Eventually,I realized that it really was meaningless and amongst the world's most important issues, this certainly wasn't one of them.

I'm grateful for Jeremy's presence in our home. I'm grateful for the feast we enjoyed. I'm also grateful for the ill treatment as it forced me to make a choice and, in the process, realize that this choice is always available to me.

I have to choose to be a crabby person. I have to choose to be rude and insulting.

I can just as easily choose to be true to my real nature and just be Barry. Mild, mannered, respectful.

Make the better choice.

Peace,

Barry @ G3

What Happens When Gratitude Takes a Back Seat?

I admit that I've been backsliding.

You know the posture.

You're slipping down in the back of the chair until your actually laying on your back?

Yes. That one.

It's uncomfortable. You want to change it but you know it will cause pain adjusting to a better posture.

So you put it off until your sensory nerve endings are screaming at the top of their neurolungs.

When you finally do begin to move, you immediately feel relief, a sense of being at ease, and you think to yourself, "Why didn't I do this sooner?"

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My posture with gratitude has resembled this picture for a few weeks now.

I've been miserable and I haven't been able get to the why.

It's been very frustrating. Then an email came my way that reminded me that I have a choice as to whether I choose to remain in this uncomfortable posture.

No one is holding a wet noodle to my head saying, "I'm not afraid to use this thing!"

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And so again, I commit to walking in the light of Gratitude; to walk in the knowing that the Big G is the key that unlocks the flow of positive results in my life.

For my own sake, I will repost this poem. Perhaps it will speak to you too.

I Choose Gratitude

On this day, I choose
To feel nothing but gratitude.

I am grateful
For what shows up in my life.

I am grateful
For what has yet to show up in my life.

I am grateful
For the opportunity to live in the
State of gratitude.

For I know that it is in this state that
Keeps me connected with the
Awesome power of the universe.

The Poet said
We can make ourselves miserable
Or we can make ourselves stronger.
The effort required is the same.

Why not choose the best?

Peace.

Barry @ G3